Ignorance is bliss and crime does not pay: two idioms that should not be used in the same sentence. If you take the initiative to become a criminal, it will pay you in the end if you are smart enough to pull it off. Make no mistake: law enforcement has seen it all, and your chances of escaping untouched are minimal. The following crooks should never have gotten out of bed.
Here is the list of the top 10 dumbest criminals in the world.
10. DEAF ROBBER CAN’T HEAR ALARM
During the summer of 1995, a guy named Klaus Schmidt attempted to steal a bank in Berlin. He stormed in, brandishing a weapon and demanded that a bag be filled with cash. A bank teller, naturally alarmed, asked the masked guy whether he wanted a bag for the cash he was attempting to empty out of the tills, to which he replied, “You’re darn right, it’s a real gun!” The bank personnel instantly understood that the offender in front of them was deaf.
The alarm went off, and the staff pretended it wasn’t very loud in order not to alert the armed man. He was even ignorant when police stormed the bank and immediately apprehended him. What was his reaction? Schmidt filed a lawsuit against the bank for taking advantage of his hearing disability.
9. FREE BEER CATCHES 19 CRIMINALS
Derbyshire police launched an innovative sting strategy in 2011: they lured offenders out into the open by offering them free beer. A number of wanted offenders were notified that they had each won a crate of beer. All they had to do was call the promotional business to be the happy owner of some icy cold suds.
Nineteen males answered from a long list of candidates. Imagine their surprise when, instead of receiving free beer, these lads were jailed. That’s what I mean by “entrapment.”
8. ROBBER GIVES CASHIER HIS CONTACT INFO
Chicago, like many other big American cities, has its fair share of criminals, some of whom begin their careers on the wrong side of the law at an early age. In 2008, Ruben Zarate intended to steal a muffler store. He stormed the front door brandishing a rifle and demanded that the employees empty the safe.
The issue was that Zarate had just missed the shop’s manager, who was the only one who knew the code to the safe. Zarate, never one to give up, decided to try again later. Maybe he planned other robberies to do that day, or maybe he merely kept his other gun at the shop, but Zarate left his contact information so the workers could call him when the manager came back in. The employees did ultimately contact Zarate, but not before notifying the authorities. The cops were waiting for him when he returned for the cash.
7. ROBBER LEAVES BIRTH CERTIFICATE
Leaving a phone number is terrible; current CSI teams can identify criminals from a strand of hair, so you can assume that they take a coffee break while the crook does the job for them. Not every cop is as fortunate as a few in Boston who tracked down a criminal who left behind not just his birth certificate, but also a letter written to him from his mother.
In this case, the culprit was a handbag snatcher who made off with $40. The victim fought back, and the opportunistic man dropped his own bag. The birth certificate inside listed him as Zachary Tentoni. When the cops approached him, he pretended to be someone else, but it didn’t work.
6. THE GETAWAY DONKEY
Assuming you’re a proficient enough thief to leave no identifying information at the scene, you’ll still have to flee. The ideal escape vehicle has a solid combination of speed and agility. Something with endurance, range, and, most importantly, does not stand out. It should be highlighted here that a little forethought may go a long way.
Enter a group of Colombian robbers. They began their criminal spree by kidnapping Xavi, a 10-year-old donkey. Before the group looted a convenience shop, Xavi had been held captive for about 12 hours. They piled their food and booze plunder on Xavi, who refused to comply.
Maybe he was frightened of being labeled as an accessory after the event. In fact, Xavi decided to perform his civic duty and started causing such a commotion that a neighboring police officer on patrol decided to look into it. The clumsy robbers were apprehended, and Xavi was returned to his owner.
5. ROBBERS WARN BANK VIA PHONE
Albert Baily is the type of scoundrel who does not leave anything to chance. He and a juvenile accomplice decided to steal a bank in Fairfield, Connecticut, on March 23, 2010. Everyone understands that an efficient bank task is one that is completed quickly. He phoned the bank ahead of time to allow the bank employees time to wrap up the cash that Baily and his young ward were going to collect.
Of course, the bank employees were less than cooperative. They had the cops on their side, and when Baily arrived to collect the $100,000 he had demanded, he was arrested. Baily and his accomplice were charged with first-degree robbery and first-degree assault, which carried a punishment of up to nine years in prison.
4. CARJACKER CAN’T DRIVE STICK
Leaving one’s car unattended invites danger. This was the situation in Omaha, Nebraska when Melissa Peters was on her way to pick up her kid from school when she came across a slim youngster with a pistol aimed at her. She and her son ran to safety while the carjacker attempted to steal her car.
Unfortunately for the irresponsible carjacker, he couldn’t drive stick: the car had a manual gearbox and this guy was going nowhere fast. He managed to get the windshield wipers to operate after turning on the lights and blaring the horn. He escaped on foot and was quickly arrested a few streets away. The good news is that the gun he used to rob Mrs. Peters was a hoax and, therefore, he will not face any weapons charges.
3. BURGLAR CRASHES A HOME FULL OF POLICE
People are concerned about thieves coming into their houses while they are asleep, but the fact is that the majority of burglars will attack while you are not there. Instead, Darren Kimpton of Abington, Northampton, threw caution to the wind and burgled an occupied, even packed residence.
Kimpton had the misfortune of breaking into a residence that had previously been broken into earlier that night. When Kimpton entered the residence, there was already a team of police officers conducting an investigation. He attempted to run, but the cops on the scene apprehended him.
As if that weren’t enough bad luck for one day, Kimpton had also attempted to break into another property in the area, but had been unsuccessful. He did, however, manage to cut himself on a piece of glass and deposit a bloody puddle of DNA all over the smashed window. It was a rather straightforward case.
2. ROBBER GIVES HIS GUN AWAY
The Halifax Bank in London was the location of what began as a regular heist. A masked guy enters, carrying a rifle and a suitcase. He orders the clerk to fill the bag with cash. From the start, the idea was straightforward: hand cashier bag, cashier fills bag, go home £700,000 wealthier.
Instead, the thief presented the teller with his revolver. There was a brief period when neither individual really comprehended what had just occurred, and an awful silence followed. The thief reacted by attempting to reclaim his pistol, but the cashier merely needed to take a step back to keep it out of reach of the failed robber. The burglar escaped and evened the score by taking one of the bank employees’ bicycles. Better luck next time.
1. THE WORST DISGUISE EVER
Masking your identity is a recurring subject when it comes to escaping police authorities. Whether you achieve this by wearing a mask or just not leaving your birth certificate at home, the impact is the same. Dennis Hawkins did everything he could to conceal his identity. He wanted to steal a bank in Pittsburgh, and either he didn’t plan his disguise well or he overthought it.
Hawkins disguised himself using a woman’s blonde wig, a set of false breasts, and clown trousers to carry off his theft. While all of this does alter how outsiders perceive him, it fails to conceal his face.
While it appeared that his overarching objective was to trick bank employees and surveillance cameras into thinking he was a woman, shaving his beard would have been a wiser first step.
The ‘disguise’ was likewise not very clever. Hawkins was quickly identified after his description was shared with police officials, and he was subsequently reported by a gas station worker who saw him attempting to steal a car. Hawkins would have been simple to spot in a crowd, fake breasts or not; one of the bank’s dye packets hidden in with the cash he took dyed him red from head to toe.